The Power of Renewal
a Winter to Spring letter with reflections and updates
Spring is Sprung. The grass is riz. I wonder where the flowers is.
This is one of the little songs my wife’s grandpa would sing at Springtime. This season of winter has held true to its purpose of death and rebirth. I saw this in my creative work as well as in my family.
Last month, my wife gets a message from her Aunt that Grandmom is sick in the hospital and it would be good to call her. My wife and the kids had a video call with a happy grandmom. Soon after, we get word that she passed away. In the midst of the shock and settling grief, my wife gets another message from her brother that his wife was in labor. The next evening we welcomed a new nephew into the world. One exits as the makes their entrance. A head of grain falls, as the new seed sprouts.
This winter, my creative work went into dormancy. After promoting the presale of the limited handcrafted edition of Arrival & Exodus, I took a break for the holidays. But then, my arch nemesis, Resistance, capitalized my inactivity as opportunity to extend the rest into a habit. I picture Resistance as a sophisticated French villain with a needle mustache wearing a black beret smoking a thin cigarette. “Ho, Ho, Ho,” he mocks in a guttural French noise, “a rest break you want?” he says rubbing his hands together, “a rest break you will get.” This is my personification of Stephen Pressfield’s teachings from his book The War of Art on the force behind self-sabotage. It’s critical to know your enemy, as Sun Tzu wrote in the original Art of War. And I find putting a face to mine helps make it fun and gives me a tactical advantage - for now…
I found a rare clip of Joe Rogan describing his inner dialogues and found it fascinating. He takes the personification to the next level. He has names for several of his sub-conscious actors. When thoughts of weakness and comfort come tempting him to quit or make it easy on himself, he calls the voice “the Bitch.” He delegates authority to “the General” - the executive decision maker for long-term success - to put the Bitch in his place.
I’ve been listening to CDs in the car from Stephen Covey’s Principled-Center Leadership. Covey has an amazing capacity for symbolic insight. He talks about team dynamics and the difference between management, leadership, and administration in large companies. Then, he shifts the discussion to the personal level. He shows how the pattern works in the body. It’s so Pageauvian, it’s beautiful. Inside us is “the Manager” monitoring systems, “the Leader” serving the many parts to ensure alignment with the principles of your identity, and the Administrator filing our data and scheduling our events.
A few more characters include “the Writer” and “the Editor.” I’ve thought of literally wearing different hats to emphasize the different approaches each require. You don’t want the Editor destroying the Writer’s castle as he is building it. I’ve written about this in previous letters, but I think these are worth adding to the cadre of mental actors.
If you put it all together you have quite the cognitive drama. Of course, not all thoughts are our own. They must be held captive, or held to spear point, as St. Paul writes to the Corinthians.1 We have the ability to target a thought and say, “who goes there?” And if you are into naming your thought personalities, identify which mental character is responsible for the thought. “Resistance, I knew it!” says the General. “Ho, Ho, Ho, you got me this time,” Resistance says, “but I will strike again!”
It doesn’t stop there. St. Paul continues, “bring every thought to the obedience of Christ.” The General answers to a higher order. Our individual logos aligns to the Logos. All of the actors - the Writer, the Editor, the Admin, the Manager, the General, the Bitch, and even Resistance himself - must align to Christ who is all in all, or get packing.
I’m curious to know if you name your mental actors. If you do, what are their names? Let me know in a comment below.
This practice is one way that helped me get out of the season of creative dormancy. At first, I kicked myself for letting so many precious days go by. But, it wasn’t all for nothing. It had a purpose. Death leads to life. The decaying leaves and squash vines from last season compost and become the nutrients for this year’s seedlings. My month off gave me something I struggled with all year - perspective. Rest/death allowed me to see the forest from the trees, to see my purpose in the practice. This year will be better because of renewed focus.
In February, I returned to revising Arrival & Exodus, and I am so glad I did. The rest period produced new life. It was in the darkness of inactivity where I experienced a “see the light” moment realizing the core thread holding the story together. Hint: the story has more to say about space than it does about time. I wrote a whole new section and added maps, diagrams, and images to help show the patterns, not just describe them with words. This book is going to be amazing, and I can’t wait to share it with you all. An inter-dimensional ‘thank you’ to you who purchased the hand-crafted versions of the book and became foundational supporters. A few more copies are available if anyone else wants to be one of twelve to own the limited edition first prints.
The Great Fast
Speaking of death, we have entered the Great Fast, the season of intentionally practicing renewal. In addition to the dietary fasting (of which I am practicing with varied success, pray for me), I turned off my phone for five days. Really, it glitched out and behaved like the invisible fingers of a toddler confiscated my screen and pressed as many buttons as possible. I turned off my demon-possessed device and said you know what, I’m not in a hurry to replace it. So I haven’t. And it’s been great. I’m exercising pre smartphone-era communication and navigation muscles. I’m proud to say I still got it.
Also, I am fasting laziness. I spent enough time resting in December and January. I need to work. And I need to work on the highest things - to “go for glory,” as my friend said - and let go of the lower things. I am spending the majority of my creative time writing stories like Arrival & Exodus and the bicycle-adventure-turned-spiritual-journey memoir. I love writing letters like these, as well as making videos on YouTube and podcasting. I don’t want to give them up entirely. So I made a posting schedule to publish one of them a week. For instance, this week is this letter to supporters on Substack; next week will be a YouTube Video; the week after is a podcast; and the final week will be a post to supporters and a wildcard week. It’s not nearly the amount I want to publish, but I know I can be consistent and keep the pace.
What are you fasting this year?
Updates & Happenings
Stay tuned for the upcoming 2,000 Subscriber Appreciation live stream + giveaway. I’ll be giving away a signed copy of double-vinyl record Deadhorse by Dirt Poor Robins. I’ll be joined by a special guest ;) It will be a fun event. I hope you can join.
I recorded an engaging conversation with Jack Roycroft covering themes of sacred geography, understanding cosmic images, the journey of Exodus, and the many themes of Arrival. I was impressed by his thoughtful questions. It will come out sometime this month. Stay tuned.
To my delight, I had the privilege to meet a subscriber and friend, Gretchen, at St. Seraphim of Sarov parish in Santa Rosa, CA. Our in-person meeting was a moment of encouragement for me to press on my creative work when I was wrestling with feelings of disconnection in the digital space. Check out Gretchen’s beautiful blog at Gladsome Lights.
If you enjoyed this letter, consider subscribing. And if you are a subscriber and want to support financially, become a paid member and join the patron community. If money is tight, message me - we might be able to work something out.
You might like to read previous posts exploring the deeper meaning of Winter and Spring:
The Death of Winter & the Search for Spring
Continuing our theme on Winter & Spring, I wanted to add a quick narrative example. In the modern silent film series Queen of the Night by Dirt Poor Robins, the characters play out the the pattern of Winter and Spring.
I hope you have wonderfull day,
Derek
Second letter to the Corinthians, chapter 10, verse 5.
I tend to recognise different attitudes or ways of paying attention as characters like 'analyst/editor', 'creative/child', 'soul-taker' (a character that wants me to do difficult physical things -- thanks David Goggins), 'lizard/reptile' (a character that wants to pursue shiny, colourful things and listen to exciting sounds) and something like 'the one who chooses' who speaks the quietest but is likely the one most worth listening to. There are probably others I haven't recognised or named yet.
For Lent, my wife and I are also trying to cut out some excessive rest in a few different ways. I'm also trying to have only one coffee a day (which is proving the most difficult fast so far!).